“Those who were permitted to react appropriately throughout their childhood—i.e. with anger—to the pain, wrongs, and denial inflicted upon them either consciously or unconsciously will retain this ability to react appropriately later in life too. When someone wounds them as adults, they will be able to recognize and express this verbally. But they will not feel the need to lash out in response. This need arises only for people who must always be on their guard to keep the dam that restrains their feelings from breaking. For if this dam breaks, everything becomes unpredictable. Thus, it is understandable that some of these people, fearing unpredictable consequences will shrink from spontaneous reaction; the others will experience occasional outbursts of inexplicable rage directed against substitute objects or will resort repeatedly to violet behavior. A person who can understand and integrate her anger as a part of herself will not become violent. She has the need to strike out at others only if she is thoroughly unable to understand her rage. She was not permitted to become familiar with this feeling as a small child, was never able to experience it as a part of herself because such a thing was totally unthinkable in her surroundings.”
- Fury-related wisdom from the ever-brilliant Alice Miller’s For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Root of Violence
#Fury #GoodGirlGoneBallistic
- January 18 2012 | - Read More →
